I'm really upset... I don't actually feel like posting, but I think this sums it up nicely.

Oh gosh, Max...

I just told Cami that I can't be her friend...

I realized that I was just getting hurt over and over again. She'd become less of a friend and more of someone to take up my idle time, and even though I really was trying so hard to get her to be nice to me... I just stopped. Today, I got into a fight with her because she wouldn't leave the room so I could talk to her without Richard hearing. She's always with Richard, and I was upset because she didn't have the respect or capacity to understand that I feel like he takes away all of her time and that he's the main reason she never sees me. I ended up hanging up on her. I tried to reason with her over text messages, but she was just self-righteous and justified.

Then she called me controlling and said I 'attacked' her.

Something inside me snapped. I told her it's a one-sided relationship and that I thought she had me on a short leash. I explained that on the phone earlier, I hadn't said anything bad about her and I didn't threaten her. I only said shit about Richard. Controlling was definitely the wrong word. I told her that she's manipulative and treats me like shit. I gave her endless chances to redeem herself, and she failed me time and again and I can't take it anymore. I told her that if she just blows it off like nothing, I really won't go back, because you know what? She never sees me anyway. It's like she's a fucking imaginary friend. She might as well not even exist...

So now I feel terrible. Not because I did it, but because it's just fucked up when something gets to that point. I'm sad that I wasted my time, and I'm sad that, when she meant so much to me, I meant the same to her as a discarded piece of garbage. It makes me feel low, you know?

She just sent me a text. Know what it said? "I wish I could talk to you right now but I'm at someones house." I'm not even going to respond. I don't care. Even if she tells me that tomorrow, she's going to fly down and we're going to hang out, I'm going to tell her no. I'm going to tell her that if she even really wants to be my friend, I'm not ready to be hers again. I'm not even ready to give her another chance, and I may never be... I miss the old Cami. I miss when she was like my sister, I miss when we were inseparable. I feel like I'm talking to a different person now. I don't even feel close to her anymore...

I miss you. I'm crying now. I feel bad inside... I need love. I wish Sunday was now.

Love,
Jom